Author: hiijustwannawrite

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Sometimes – (Randoms)

Sometimes, dontcha just miss the old days? Why so much emphasis on moving on, tackling the new?

Sometimes, don’t you just miss ice cream trucks strolling through summer days, warm breeze, age 7? Don’t you miss summer-filled basement movie nights, without any planning? Just doing, going, seeing where the day takes us aka having fun, sleeping then not caring what tomorrow brings – be it more shows, movies, games, running, sprinting, chilling? That’s youth. Don’t you miss it?

I said sometimes, though. Sometimes, the whole next phase in life thing, adulting thing – seriously what on Earth even is “adulting” – is kinda important. So, sometimes I just miss ice cream trucks strolling through summer days, warm breeze, age 7.

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Writes – 82 and Counting

You know when you smell summer in the air – briefly. Then it fades back to spring. Just did that, and it was beautiful, and that I can call it beautiful is even more beautiful.

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Quotes

When you’ve been absorbed by pain for a long time, you forget to look at your own life. I mean really look at your life, your wants, your goals that you’ve left in “Notes” – 88 and counting. But, now, with that pain finally subsiding, hopefully continuing to subside, your eyes see things they’ve neglected. That’s a whole other field of anxieté. So, instead let’s just be grateful for the moment of peace. Let’s just leave the rest to 8:28 “It’ll all work out… sooner than later;” even if it’s later, it’ll still work out.

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Her Spirit’s a Free Bird

Don’t know why, but it’s Feb 10, and it finally, finally feels like she can go back. Like she can be in a dream again. Like she can see the imprints of stars in the sky again; like she wants to breathe in the rain again. Airy rain. Dirt rain. Delicate, dense rain. Like, like, like, like… again home belongs in her heart.

Her home is plaited with others’ needs, with the wants of simplicity; simpler times. And, her gift is her heart to you. Because, innocence is all she clings to and, honestly, it’s all she understands. Complexity complicates her mind.

She sees the dirt. She feels, oh, she feels the dirt in her hands again. She’s drowning light in the moment again. Every sensory delight arriving – finally arriving.

P.S. Please don’t step on her gift again; please don’t cage her again.

Because, P.S. Her spirit’s a free bird again.

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She Said Something

She said this, and I just stared, like really?

But, secretly, I hoped too.

“I don’t who he is. I haven’t met him yet, but I know he’s out there somewhere and I know I’ll know him one day. He’s arriving, or maybe I am. But, I do hope he’s doing alright. I hope he’s making moves forward, step by step. I hope he knows I’m here too and that one day, as we keep putting one foot in front of the other, our feet will finally touch. We’ll do that beginning thing, we’ll finally meet.”

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A Lover of Rain – Stream of Consciousness

Why do the cherished moments, the innocent seconds keep fleeing our fingertips? Or, is it only me who misses childhood? Is it only me who misses Paddle Pop in the rain? 

I’m ok with being dirt. After all, dirt graced with rain is a scent indescribable, a scent laced with memories and joy, but that doesn’t mean dirt isn’t hurt each time it’s stomped on. 

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Ok.. .

I’m ok, I wrote on page 29 of this book… I’m ok and “courage doesn’t roar” and it “whispers” for “tomorrow” (says Audrey), and, but I’m ok. I don’t need announcements this second because, in this second, I’m ok. And, every second counts, right?

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Learning?

What I’ve learned is that we’re all good, deep down, we have to be, right? If we weren’t, how could the Earth breathe for so many cycles?

But, then, I look at the evidence and realize, no, maybe we all believe we’re good, and there’s the difference between being good and not. The difference is that our beliefs might be wrong. Are we humble enough to accept that?